Journeys
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Timothy M. Leonard's books on Goodreads
A Century Is Nothing A Century Is Nothing
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Subject to Change Subject to Change
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Ice girl in Banlung Ice girl in Banlung
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Finch's Cage Finch's Cage
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Monday
Jul182005

Iraq Gossip

It’s been a really exciting couple of weeks since our last “on the scene, live, direct and immediate deeply embedded field press report,” so here goes nothing.

We've been so embedded in sand and shifting diametrically opposed points of view it’s been a struggle to get to the truth. And the truth shall set you free but that proclamation and one thin dime won’t buy you a glass of fresh hot tea on the corner of RPG and Main in downtown Baghdad.

Traffic, as always, is a mess as drivers ignore sleeping policeman and discarded shell casings. Bike and grocery cart thefts are up a surprising 87% since last year.

Running As Fast As I Can, an immigrant from Florida reported that someone stole his unicycle while he was stealing fresh melons. “It’s unbelievable,” the swarthy youth said, “our social system has completely collapsed and the melon sellers are gouging the public. Something drastic has to be done,” he said spitting out his seeds of discontent.

Our reliable informants report that Israeli smugglers made $42 million, yes, million, dollars in June transporting spare parts and beer across 1,000 miles of desert to broken, thirsty consumers in the Iraqi capital.

“Yes, we recognize a need and we are filling it as fast as we can,” said Sherman Artichoke, a driver from Cyprus.

“Face it, I can double my yearly tomato growing income outrunning bandits on camels. And I love driving at night.”

Rebecca Nurse, a volunteer from the Operational Defense Planning With No Initiative Institute (ODPWNII) revealed yesterday that morale among the unwilling asked to do the impossible by desk jockeys is at rock bottom.

“In all my years of service throughout war and twilight zones,” the perky blond former cheerleader revealed, “I’ve seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by howling post traumatic stress syndrome. This is really scary and I feel the worst is yet to come.”

She is presently under observation at an undisclosed sight.

Monday
Jul182005

Grandmother Detection Program

In a whoosh of speculation, NASA announced today that Mrs. Glinda Goodwitch would be stepping down as quality control librarian to head up the recently formed “Grandmother Early Detection Program.”

The “GEDP” as it is called in security circles was formed in conjunction with airline passenger complaints that grandmothers were receiving undue harassment at airline checkpoints in Bogota, Columbia.

According to our sources in the South American city, grandmothers walked out of talks yesterday designed to improve screening and flossing procedures.

“The officials are really out to lunch on this one,” Mrs. Goodwitch said through a two way mirror near a choke point as she prepared to unwrap a wax memorial of Simon Bolivar who killed many indigenous people and conquered many countries on horseback.

“Grandmothers around the world are up in arms as they see their rights eroded under the guise of deception and short meetings,” she said as ambulances screamed through a local movie theater.

As she spoke, airline officials from Easter island were gathering to discuss the Grandmother Early Detection Program.

“At this point in time, which is a point along a line, a line which, I might add, started way back there,” an official said, pointing off into space where he stood with Mrs. Goodwitch, “good grandmothers are hard to come by, and statistics indicate they are rapidly approaching extinction in some parts of the world so we are doing our best to detect them early.”

“We shall see about that,” Glinda said.

Sunday
Jul172005

Shop Baghdad

In a startling revelation today, European military commanders in Iraq notified every single media corporation on the planet that they would begin giving out free discount coupons for a new “Peaceful Transition” store currently under construction.

“The 20 million acre complex, tentatively named The Mother of All Shopping Experiences is north by northwest of the capital,” said Abdula Assist, planning manager.

Our sources indicate that retail and discount experts from major world companies, under the cover of darkness, have arrived with contracts, blueprints and cheap life insurance policies to establish the business. It will be the first of many joint ventures.

“We have the full cooperation of major band aid agencies who believe that this shopping experience will dramatically affect and change the behavior and attitudes of the public,” said Buy More Today, a spokesperson. They said that, as an initial promotion, anti-depressant medication cost will be slashed by 99%.

In the interest of public safety, all potential shoppers will be required to line up for hours with bi-lingual dictionaries and Hope. Hope, a distant relative of Alexander The Great, expressed satisfaction with the planned development.

“I’ve heard Aisle 13 is going to be like an amusement park,” she said through an interpreter. “I can’t wait to see all the goodies produced in sweat shops that nobody wants or can afford.”

Sunday
Jul172005

3 hots and a cot

In a new spin cycle on their Iraq washing machine, leaders of the ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ world announced today that the V.P. of OZ miss spoke when his training bike wheels fell off by saying there was a direct link on DNA stem cells between Saddam and Osama.

Contrary to polls and consumer satisfaction stupidity, many obese, TV addicted manic depressives still believe that Saddam, awaiting war crime trials and presumed to be preparing his trick or treat insanity plea was directly responsible for 9/11.

“This is a perplexing development,” said I Am Ignorant, a social scientist with a PHD working at a gas station near Baghdad. “The administration did a great job of creating fear and paranoia to justify their arrogance and blood thirsty heavy handed attitude,” while pumping Supreme.

“All you need is love,” relied Ismael Bowl, an immigrant from Basra disguised as a weapon of mass distraction.

“Look, my isotopes and depleted uranium D214 created a glowing report. I’m trying to feed half the world here,” adding, “and 28% of the homeless in America are veterans.”

A wild looking scared national guardsman from Kansas with a bad smell in his pants fired a warning shot into a sand dune narrowly missing a camel in heat. “Hey, life is good here,” he said. “I get three hot meals a day, a cot, internet access, and there’s no tax on expresso. There’s no way I’m going to end up unemployed with the killing skills I’ve learned.”

His wife recently divorced him.

“Yeah, it’s too bad,” he said. “She really never understood my undying love and passion for fun, travel and adventure. FTA. It’s a good thing she split because you know I’m going to have a lot of repressed anger to release when I get out this hell hole.”

Not to be outdone, undone or left standing alone, forelorn and lonely, a negotiating team from The Committee On UN-War Activities, (COUNA) a coalition of the unwilling, doing the unnecessary for the ungrateful, distributed free boxes of disposable body bags.

“It’s a good deal,” said an anonymous source. "They come in basic black, don’t take up much space and one size fits all.”

Saturday
Jul162005

Two Angels

There was this angel in Spain. She was really an English angel but she lived in Spain for a short time with her English angel husband. He loved her more than anything in, on, around or above the world. This was angel territory. This was where they found true happiness.

The male angel’s name was Tom and his angel wife’s name was Franklin. She loved her angel name, bestowed on her by her angel parents in Devon.

They'd met at angel school taking flying lessons. Franklin started flying off the coast of Cornwall where the air was thin and pure. She received her first private flying lessons from Tom who had more angel experience.

They were young angels, relatively speaking as angels go, she was 22 and he was 18. Which is young for angels but not out of the ordinary. Their love, devotion and passion for each other was out of the ordinary.

Most angels when they meet a kindred spirit are, shall we say, quiet, dignified and reserved, especially if they are English angels.

“Like this,” he told her, holding her tight against the wind above the shale cliffs of Cornwall. Franklin was scared but knew she had to trust him. He let her go and she flew into the sky. It wasn’t the last time he would let her go.

“Look Tom,” Franklin yelled into the wind as her white wings sent her soaring. “I’m up, I’m up, I’m flying. Watch this.”

She zoomed high above the shore and did a somersault in mid-air. He joined her in the sky. He realized she was not only brave but fearless. Franklin was always ready to try new things.

Tom loved Franklin with all his heart. He was quiet and Franklin, well, she was a little more rambunctious and ready for anything.

Their angel nature was passion and dreams. They acted on their dreams after marriage. They traveled the world, well not the whole world, part of it, down to Africa. They helped others develop their powers. They flew back and forth between Africa and England for seven years. They spent summers showing English people how to play and create magic with African musical instruments. They spent winter in Africa creating a butterfly farm.

She loved traveling with Tom, seeing the world, meeting new people. She was always on the go. He liked the quiet life.

They settled into a comfortable yet exciting time together. One day, while they were flying over southern Spain heading to Africa for the winter Franklin spotted wild birds high above mountains.

“Look Tom, beautiful birds. What are they?”

“Let’s have a look,” and they adjusted their wings to descend. They caught thermals and drifted in circles.

It was a family out on the morning breeze. They were brown and golden Egyptian vultures with sharp eyes and curving beaks. The adults had a huge wingspan. They floated toward the angels.

“Here they come,” shouted Franklin.

“Wow,” yelled Tom, “they’re vultures. Amazing.”

The young ones stayed at a safe distance. Whenever Tom and Franklin moved in their direction they flew near their parents. Their parents investigated the angels out of curiosity.

The land beneath wild birds and angels was beautiful. Rolling hills full of thick green oak and cork trees, rivers coursed through fields around gray rocks, high mountains covered with green forests and canyons extended as far as they could see.

“Let’s go down and have look,” yelled Franklin. Tom waved his wings and they landed in a clearing. They went into an old white village.

“Where are we?” Franklin asked an angel on a narrow cobblestone street.

“Arcos,” said the angel. “Where are you from?”

“Many places,” Tom said. “We left England and are passing through to Africa.”

“Africa,” sighed the angel. “I’ve heard it’s lovely there this time of year.”

“Oh, it’s a special place,” said Franklin. “They have the most beautiful butterflies there. We’ve been going there for years now.”

“Must be nice,” said the angel. “I live here now.”

“Really,” said Tom. “What does Arcos mean?”

“We have some fun with that one. Here’s various ARCOS ideas from some of the angels and children in the village.”

“Angel Reunion Class Of Society”
“Angelic Resolve Celebration Over Shallowness”
“Angels Rejoice Calling Other Spirits”
“Angels Remember Consternation Of Species”
“Angels Remind Civilization Of Spirit”

“I like the last one,” said Franklin.

“Yes,” said the angel, “it’s a good one. Like a I said there’s a lot of work to do. Not only here but elsewhere.”

“Why Arcos?” said Tom.

“Oh, it’s simple really,” the angel said. “I passed through many places in the world and liked it here from the moment I landed. Work to do.”

“What kind of work?” asked Tom.

“Some of us are establishing a new angel school. Others are helping with various families and children. We’ve received the vibrations from here and chosen to stay. It’s a gift.”

“Sounds terribly delightful,” Franklin said looking around. The streets were white, house were white, the sky was cobalt. Nice, she thought. “Where are the kid angels?” she wondered, not having any of her own but loving them.

“They’re around.” said the angel. There was a mystery about the place which appealed to Tom and Franklin.

Late that night while they were curled up in early angel pre-sleep she said, “Tom shall we come back here someday?”

“Yes. We can come back. Perhaps we have something to offer.”

“Yes, perhaps we do,” said Franklin and they huddled together, kissed goodnight and dreamed.

That was seven years ago and now Tom and Franklin do not live together. They live with other angel friends. It was Franklin’s decision they should take a break from each other. She wanted to remain friends. Some angels can do this and some can’t. It’s hard for some angels to shift their feelings from married partners to friendship. After all, they wanted to give it a try. Tom had no choice but to accept Franklin’s wishes.

Franklin had an itch under her wings. She wanted to fly again. Really fly. Her itch was deeper than her heavy heart. It was gradual, this heart of hers growing heavy. It was a feeling, a lingering troublesome anxiety. It was a dream. Her angelic desires were wants, wishes, dreams.

There was a sad and lonely angel and a restless angel.

This was very hard on Tom because he loved Franklin with all his heart and missed her a great deal. He hoped they would get back together in the future.

The future for angels is very long. She said maybe. As an angel she really needed her space. It was just something that happens to some angels. Some are grounded in places where they feel really comfortable and some are always ready to fly away.

“Where will you go?” asked Franklin after she told him of her decision.

“I’ve always loved Africa,” Tom said. “We had some good times there. I miss the butterflies. I think that’s where I’ll go.”

“Great for you. I’ll come and visit you someday.”

“It’d be great to see you again,” he said. He felt like crying.

“Oh Tom, it’s really ok. Don’t cry,” said Franklin. She wanted to cry as well. “It’s just that I need to see and experience new things. I feel I have some new work to do in new places.”

“Goodbye Franklin,” Tom said one bright day when they were on a mountain above Arcos.

Franklin tested her wings and took off flying east. “Bye, Tom,” she said, “I’ll see you. Be well.”

“Take care, Franklin. I love you,” yelled Tom. He lifted off and headed south over the Mediterranean.

“I love you to,” Franklin’s voice echoed as she gained altitude and caught a thermal.