Addictions
I was the only addict in detox taking notes on a yellow legal pad.
I needed raw unfiltered evidence and truth.
I was addicted to writing, photography and traveling.
Heroin, smack, booze, pills and love addicts were wolves crying and howling in their self imposed vast wilderness of pain, hatred, agony. Looking for self love in detox, trying to get their lives together.
Some lived as if they were already dead.
“Before I checked when I was growing tired of it all,” I said.
“I lived with a woman in a disastrous, self destructive relationship. I played the rescuer, a father figure. My victim turned on me. They always do. My writing was empty. I drank to avoid the truth facing the real work. Before coming here, I submitted to therapy.
"If I was going to survive and be healthy, I acknowledged the fact, the hard cold realistic truth that I wasn’t responsible for my mother’s death. I needed to confront this guilt at the heart level, not the head level.
“You have to break down before you break through."
“What happened?” said Tom Vodka.
"I broke down, cried, talking out old fears and self destructive behaviors, old angers and resentments. I realized my integrity, my self-reliance. I accepted more responsibility for my life.”
So it goes.
tm leonard