sullen & apathetic

in a small sleepy river town

a white haired 60-year old German with his

29-year old squeeze for two years said,

everyday I call my wife in Germany at 2 p.m. then I am free.

she always asks me why do you go to Cambodia. i go to Cambodia to come inside my squeeze. to received tenderness under the false pretense of love and affection.

it’s part of the International Fair Trade Agreement. i trade her my money for her time. it’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

how’s the garden doing in Berlin? fine. 

sullen and apathetic suits their nature. evolutionary process. the khmer woman stabbed her lover in his heartless heart using laser quided molecular silent revenge. take that you bastard.

memory 101

1 memory creates fiction, said orphan.

A non-verbal memory of lost time, said elf.

The angry one thought it’d be her. She spat angry words and gestures. The fury of a woman scorned. Accept loss forever. He paid mama. They cycled back. They ate fish, vegetables and rice and went to bed. For hours. Normally her customers were 15 minute quickie jobs. He slowed her down. Take our time. She was flat and flat on her back. She started relaxing. No hurry, sweet thing. After awhile she’d say, boom-boom?

Her vocabulary was extensive.

Relax, take it easy. 24, no father, a brother in Malaysia and a mother north of a capital letter. 

You are a monkey, she said curling up soft and warm. She used imaginary scissors to cut off his instrument of mass destruction. 

Yes, she said, I will eat you alive tonight while rain assaults the tin roof through fractured eroding leaves of lost time.

trade sex for security

He sat at an Indonesian warung, a cheap food place offering white virgin rice, spicy chilly, egg, green veggies, tempe, tofu, deep fried crackers, on the other side of the Berlin Wall.

Smokers called it the Berlin Wall because they could smoke away from the inquisitive prying eyes of parents and administration moles. Desk jockeys in green plaid. Hot and sticky tropics. He’d escaped from the tyranny of noisy educational sad robots trapped in their futile expectations of perpetual childhood.

An illiterate village woman piled her trash near a grove of banana trees. She lit a fire. Roosters, hens and chicks scattered. Smoke curled around a man pushing his chipped blue plywood cart loaded with plastic dishes, cheap cloth, simple tools, brushes, mops, bags, hats, and basic household goods. Rolling wheels through neighborhoods.

Cumulus clouds gathered momentum.

Nearby were yelling village people. A tall thin woman teased her 4-year old monkey boy child.

Pregnancy was her ticket out of hell, loneliness and misery.

In world villages you traded sex for security. Father ran away to impregnate new victims. A mother tormented the kid. He cried. She laughed at him. She created a mini-monster. A boy who hated women now and later. He was dependent on them for food and affection.

In the future he’d kill her with a sharp machete. A mother and daughter uttered primal grunt sounds. A mother combed her daughter’s hair scavenging follicles for nits and lice. Protein. Human evolution.

Crying children. Perpetual distractions. Emotional zombies, minus seven. Time=death. Life is a temporary condition.

eat my heart

He got into her Turkish tudor foolish fuel efficient machine, slamming her erotic door creating aftershocks in Sichuan and kissed her hard love.

“Wow,” she said, “that was delicious. Tell me more.  I feel insecure and despise all my devious intentions.”

“I am too sad to speak. My verbal actions will tell you a story. I am sad and lonely. I can talk about America and how I lost my chance to be rich and famous. I played college baseball and the coach never let me hit. I sat on the bench getting splinters in my ass. I was always treated with disrespect. I will reap what I sow. I can tell you about people who will cheat you.”

“What kind of story?”

“Drive around. I will concoct a magical musty mysterious tale of woe, conquest and self pity.”

She shifted out of park. Her thin hands gripped life’s wheel.

She remembered wild sex with the tall absent minded angry teacher, speaking of sex, death and Indian food fool foreign language hands, lips, smells, tastes, aromas, a throbbing purple snake and confused groping. She couldn’t sleep, let alone dream, remembering it all. 

“I am a man eater. You are a man. A real man. I will eat your heart. This is our custom. We eat the heart of our lover to give us strength. In exchange, I will give you something to remember me by and by.”

“What happens after you eat my heart?”

temporary

My sister put me to work with a niece washing clothes. In reality I am a happy slave. I have my sister, niece, food and a safe place to sleep. I make some money. An Australian girl gave me a scooter. I dress nice.

My sister started selling massage service. If I meet a good man, which is rare, like Thorny, I let him touch me because I trust he’ll take care of me. 

I need help. 

My job has no emotional connection. I have the power to say NO. I have a 5th degree black belt. I’ve killed more men with silence than you can imagine. I tell aggressive idiots they can get laid somewhere else. Go find a beer girl. Flash your cash honey.

I do all the washing, ironing, and massages. My sister pockets the money. I make small tips. She sits around admiring herself in mirrors, playing with her 2-year old daughter. Talking rubbish on her cell.

I am a voiceless voice of quiet resignation. 

Shhh. I have a new secret short term lover while Thorny is home in OZ. I am easy going with a willingness to share honest emotional connections. 

No commitment is a temporary abstraction.