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Timothy M. Leonard's books on Goodreads
A Century Is Nothing A Century Is Nothing
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The Language Company The Language Company
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Subject to Change Subject to Change
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Ice girl in Banlung Ice girl in Banlung
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Finch's Cage Finch's Cage
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Entries in writing (442)

Saturday
Nov162019

Shanghai Interrogation

The boy soldier was silent.

“What’s that for?” said the female Public Security Bureau official pointing to the typewriter on the table. 

“It is for writing letters.”

They have reservations about letters. Letters, they wonder, looking at each other with jaundiced eyes. Black eyes streaked with exploding blood vessels full of fear and suspicion.

Letters indicate political insurrection, dissent, forced labor, mandatory abortions, propaganda, civil unrest, turmoil, revolutions, tanks in the street, torture, solitary confinement and executions.

They see party leaders wringing pale hands pacing forbidden cities past stone lions, conducting top-secret meetings trying to figure out what to do, how to put a face on all this. How to manage and manipulate dis-information rivers controlling floods.

The boy soldier and his comrade save face by maintaining blank, stoic expressions. They suspect I have connections.

Maybe I am a plant, a party member sent to check their unit. Assigned to monitor their methods, their questioning tactics, their subtle use of intimidation, their implications to control and influence people’s lives with fear for the good of the state.

For all they know I am a subversive. A word terrorist.

“Letters. We will keep an eye on this one,” she said to the soldier.

They're thinking: We have ways to make you talk. They don’t say this but I know how it works. I’ve read Tu Fu and Li Po's work. I’ve digested their bone dust history through dynasties.

“Yes, well, we’ll see,” she said. “We need to remind you to remember this very carefully.” Her voice gained an octave.

The bent nail gets hammered down!

“Just because you speak our language doesn’t mean you are special. We can revoke your visa and force you to pay a fine. We can put you away where no one will ever find you. We will discuss your situation with our leaders. We have driven the talented people abroad. Some went into hiding but we know where they are and we find them. We always do. We find them in their homes, schools, and jobs. Some accepted positions at foreign universities where they form counter-revolutionary groups bent on overthrowing the state by writing articles, stories and books critical of their motherland.”

Her face resembled nuclear fission as she pounded the table. “They are a disgrace! They are running dogs!”

“I see,” I said, dropping my eyes saving face.

Downstairs, my warrior team armed with tools made on slave labor production lines financed with western capital, are busy. They laughed, sang and danced knocking holes in theories, lies and deceptions. They built facades, charades, fast food outlets, dream machines, and ignominious pious grandiose standards of living faster than joint venture ink dries on thin rice paper.

The authorities are momentarily appeased.     

I understand they are following orders.

To the letter.

I am well aware, remembering letters, if they execute me with a single bullet to the back of my head my family will have to pay for the ammunition. My family will be very surprised when they get a bill in a letter from kow-tow authorities for a round. They will have to buy a round and will never meet the last of the big time spenders.

To make matters worse, the authorities, after executing me, will disembowel me and recycle internal organs seeing profits to be made from a used, well traveled perfectly functioning heart, lungs, kidneys, pancreas, eyes, ears, hair, genitals, spleen and assorted by-products. It will be a beautiful fucking mess.

First, they will need impossible to find International Reply Coupons and second, the post office glue made from horses is a disaster. Gets all over the wooden counters and fingers of rude, impatient people because they are slobs. After smearing glue everywhere they push and shove toward the sullen postal clerk thrusting mail in her face.

If she didn’t have guaranteed sticky white rice three times a day my grand inquisitor would be home knitting a sweater and gossiping with neighbors. They’d be discussing vegetables, weather and roving demolition crews with bulldozers wondering when, not if, their ancient hutong neighborhood would come tumbling down and they’d be forced to move to bland housing tracts on the edge of the Gobi desert.

They will be the last to know. Earth trembled as blades sliced dwellings in half sending clouds of green tiled dust spiraling into a polluted sky.

Not only will the officials need IRC coupons to bill my next-of-kin for the bullet, they will require hand carved marble chops with ideograms and delicious red ink to verify and administer their official proclamations and imperial judgments.

They will chop and stamp my passport until it bleeds. EXPIRED. They will chop every single page.

They are important cogs in the wheel of the law grinding themselves down into the dust of ages.

Their looms spin out broken threads faster than they can weave them into their tapestry. If they make one mistake they will answer to the authorities.

They examine my passport with filthy greasy fingers. They turn pages, looking at visa stamps, examining strange forbidden exotic designs. They see rainbows and a rising phoenix. They hear drums from Amazonian rain forests while savoring fruits from lush gardens filled with crow and raven songs. Eagle feathers drift out of the pages.

On one page they explore meadows illustrated with roses. Thorns dive out of the sky piercing their hearts. A river of blood from Tibet breaks through dams flooding their ancestor’s graves. Names, histories and corpses float toward Seas of Memory.

Turning another page they scamper on frayed rope bridges above raging gorges screaming, “Help us. Save us!”

They keep going. The other side of the gorge is dark and dangerous, full of Black Mambas, vipers, pythons and fear bred demons slithering out of the ground, evaporating into rivers of sound, twisting forms dancing through their eyes, weaving into their heart.

Blind, they struggle through fog and hail storms into blizzards toward mountains. They are stranded inside the discursive circular logic drowning in a river of tears inside a river of dreams on the River of Time.

“We’ve gone too far,” the boy yells to the PSB woman. “Turn back!”

“It’s too late.” They began seeing with their ears and hearing with their eyes.

Turning a leaf they dived into the ocean of their love below the surface of appearances.

In deep turquoise waters they discovered a secret spirit cave pulsating with a heartbeat and magical sources of inspiration and beauty.

She handed the passport to the boy. “What do you make of this?”

He took off his military party hat and scratched his head.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “Appears to be some fable, a fairy tale, a mysterious rambling incoherent story. Never seen anything like this before.”

His comrade grabbed it back.

“Yes, strange indeed,” she whispered. “Where did you get this?” She held up a page of a butterfly sitting on a pure white lotus flower growing from mud.     

“My girlfriend sent it to me. It’s a dream.”

“Where did she get it?”

 “Along the Tao.”

 “What Tao?”

 “She collects dreams from people along her journey.”

 “Where is she? Laos? Bhutan? Burma? Tibet?”

The interrogator is suspicious. She knows primitive mountain people are animists, superstitious types. Their Dongba ancestors in Yunnan created a written language 1,000 years ago using pictographs and worship nature of all things. They have powers like levitation, lowering their body temperature, running for miles above the ground, transcending their physical bodies.

“She is everywhere.”

“I don’t believe you."

She skipped a few pages and started reading.

“They floated through caves into Greek and Roman civilizations. Inside a huge cavern flooded with celestial starlight were halls filled with world art. It was arranged in a form of a historical magic time circle. They admired fabulous paintings of strange beauty. They cried tears of happiness. Their tears created the beginning of the ocean.”

She handed the passport back.

“It appears authentic. But, I must say, parts of it are rubbish. Pure imagination. Your girlfriend will have to account for this. She’s crazy and needs medication. She needs to be somewhere safe for the sake of her emotional health. We have ways of dealing with these people. She’s clearly a threat against state-controlled propaganda laws and social stability. We can’t allow lunatics to just go roaming around the country writing this stuff. She could be in serious danger.”

She rattled on in her well-rehearsed monotone.

“There are immediate restrictions on your travel outside Shanghai. You are required to check with the local Public Security Bureau if you want to leave yourself, if you need to transcend this impermanent state of being.”

“Yes, I know. Existence is suffering. Thank you. I am rainbow of Light. Will you have more tea?”

“Yes.” She handed me a cracked cup. I poured tea.

She doesn’t want to lose face with this foreigner. Not in front of her comrade. He might talk at headquarters. Her superiors will question him. Her comrade is young and vulnerable to new ideas. Like free will and free choice.

She’s afraid if he has the chance to escape he will visit new lands, meet people, see their art and absorb their music and stories and be free.

She finished her tea gave me a withering look and left.

Before leaving the boy soldier ripped Psyche out and put it in his pocket. He smiled.

“You have been very cooperative. We will keep an eye on you.”

Weaving A Life V4

Sunday
Nov102019

Music Cleans Ears

Focus on breathing
Shoulder bladed Saturday
Ice coffee

Fat white lost tourists
Hammer sings stones
Courageous sparrow discovers grains of rice

A bell rings dawn
Woman pedals coconuts
Past Europeans inside the universe bus

Verbal exchanges
No one listens BEING plugged into phones
Too poor to pay attention

Feathered dusk spreads wings composing melody
Kandinsky
Red, blue, yellow
Primary colors engage senses

Dust coffee rice
Home zone bamboo ice
Vocal chords

Language cultures
Eye-heart-hand shadow puppets

Music cleans ears
A professional stranger shows up

Among whisper smiles
Old man with bamboo staff coughs
Walks as voices decipher meaning’s intention

Plainclothes officer cleans glasses
With what they don’t know or understand
White paper

A girl loving geography
Lights four incense sticks with gratitude
Prays for good luck health and wealth

Dance now think later
Zen meditation
Line shape color

Burma, Laos, Cambodia - verbal and visual stories, imagination, love, play, dreams, intuition, instinct, preparation.

Luck and skill throw a party

Everyone is invited to the play

Banteay Srei renewal
Preah Khan, Ta Som, feeling mystery
1,001 years of passages, light - shadow
Magic

“I have walked through many lives some of them my own, and I am not who I was.” - Stanley Kunitz

Grow Your Soul

Monday
Oct282019

Gazebo Group

Abracadabra - Hurl your lightning bolt even unto Death.

You must break down before you break through.

In 1997 my writing and life were shit.

One wet winter Pacific Coast morning, I drove to a Tacoma hospital and checked into the chemical dependency unit for three days of alcohol detox.

After admission I took an elevator to the third floor. Workmen stripped, sanded and plastered walls.

Room #310 had a bed near a window, old metal locker, sink, mirror, ancient radiator and TV. The window overlooked a grassy area with a wooden gazebo, flowers and basketball court.

Mike was next door and Tom was across the hall. Tom resembled a skeleton with skin. He stayed in bed until he died.

“The hospital was originally used by railroad workers and was a TB unit at one time which is why there is no pediatric unit,” said Nurse Blossom. One wing of the third floor was for Bipolar, multiple dependencies and mental illness. Suicide cases lived in a penthouse on the fifth floor.

She took a urine sample and gave me Ada-van medication for withdrawals. Pills replaced lost chemicals.

By evening my journal writing evolved from large loopy letters into a tight microscopic form. Form the formless. I wandered down to the gazebo to smoke and write in cold night air.

My new drug was water. I swallowed meds and slept well. In the morning I felt the meds were erasing alcohol and cleaning my system. I scribbled in my journal.

My legs feel like rubber. My mind is a monkey. I write in the garden. Substance abuse evaporates. Alcohol relinquishes Control of mind-body mass.

In late afternoon I sat in the gazebo feeling drained, suffering extreme headaches. Light danced through clouds.

I pass through dragon firewalls. I can’t spell. A crow calls. Healer. Breath. I am calm with no monkey mind. Just sitting. I adapt with clear thinking, less agitation, mental and emotional anxiety. I begin accepting my new reality.

On the third day a doctor reviewed my chart. “The next step is Phase II outpatient group therapy.”

Addicts smoked in the gazebo. Fifteen plastic chairs circled stone block ashtrays. Addicts surrounded me in withdrawal stages from heroin, crack, speed, depressives and alcohol.

Gazebo people tried to sort out their lives. They talked about insurance payment scam problems, families, nurses, the lack of doctors, and institutional care histories. I wrote it down among lost lives and despair.

Moist air holding illness confronted recovery. Dead eyes, laughter, faint hopes, repressed angry regrets. Addicts huddled against slashing rain. Smokers coughed collective misery. Addicts bummed quarters for a pay phone to call friends and family.

A film explained how endorphins help us feel good. Alcohol creates a false reality by blocking transmitters known as TIQ.

Mike remembered relapsing after twenty-five years of sobriety. “I just stopped. I was driving down the street one night and plain stopped when I saw a neon liquor sign flashing.” Vodka calling. He started all over again.

On the 5th floor screaming suicide patients smashed heads against walls.

Addicts tried to regain self-esteem. It was about surrendering Control and accepting trust. We turned our lives over to someone who knew what they were doing.

ART

Adventure - Risk - Transformation

Tuesday
Oct152019

ART

ART, (Adventure, Risk, Transformation) a memoir, covers 1997-2002.
Backstory includes Colorado childhood and a year in Nam when he cheated Death.
He was in Morocco on 9/11.
Writing there and in Spain, satire and facts met creativity and humor. Published in October 2019.
 

 

Monday
Oct142019

A Century is Nothing

This is a camelo, Spanish for a tall tale.

Hello. May this find you well. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Omar. I am a Touareg Berber nomad from the Sahara desert in Morocco.

I am a blind prescient writer in exile.

This is my story about how I and other tribal members met a strange kind man named Mr. Point immediately after 9/11. He just showed up and the Sahara is a big place.

When others hear this tale they express disbelief. “How can that be?”

Living Baraka, a supernatural energy and magic power practiced by our people, his appearance was, shall we say, expected. He is a poet, shape shifter, cosmic comic clown and literary outlaw.

Now it happened that we traveled together just like you and I now and we formed a community. We shared many tales and I have taken the liberty of including them here with some of my own stories. We enjoyed amazing adventures together.

I confess this narrative is not linear. In a sense, this is for and about children: innocence, curiosity, empathy, and playful pure intentions. Children love inventing stories and hearing them.

Stories are essential like air and water.

My friend and I love to travel and besides calling the Sahara home I also inhabit a very real magical late Paleolithic Spanish cave in Andalucía. It encompasses 26,000 years of art and history. The word ‘history’ comes from the Greeks. It means story. This explains the title, A Century Is Nothing.

Someone in our tribe said, “Imagine the earth is 24 hours old. To see a perspective of how long humans have been around, imagine they’ve been on the planet for only the last 60 seconds.”

Marco Polo, a famous traveler near death in 1324 at seventy left his famous epitaph for the world. “I have only told the half of what I saw!”

Keep an open mind and fasten your seat belt as we may experience a little turbulence during flights of imagination grounded in invisible particles of reality. In the event of a water landing your heart-mind may be used as a flotation device.

We’ll meet again. May your journey be filled with loving kindness, compassion and authenticity.

A Century is Nothing