Natasha

Passengers waited for a flight from Amsterdam to Casablanca on September 2nd, 2001.

Your Self, originally from Fez and now San Francisco was going home to see his family after years away. He was a wise man bearing gifts.

There was a woman from the Ukraine with her five-year-old son. Natasha was tall, slim, beautiful and married to a Moroccan. They’d met at the university in Kiev where she gave birth and he lived in Amsterdam. She hadn’t seen him forever.

He didn’t come to the airport to see her because he didn’t have the correct papers nor was she able to leave the airport and see him because she lacked the correct papers so she waited for her flight to her new home.

Natasha had heard about Morocco but had never seen it. She was taking her son to Casablanca to live with her husband’s family. She didn’t speak French or Arabic.

Her cheap red, white and blue plastic baggage split at the seams. Her son pissed his pants leaving a trail of urine in the departure lounge. Natasha was beside herself with a double identity theory.

Everyone spoke the same language as night fell with the roar of planes taking people somewhere left gravity. We were buried at gate 54D, miles from duty free shops, perfume, electronics, banks, toy and clothing stores, restaurants, diamond rings and watches.

Fliers carried yellow plastic “Buy and Fly,” shopping bags.  

It was midnight when we landed in Casablanca. We walked through a towering hall with a waterfall and intricate mosaic tiles. A gigantic framed image of a benevolent aristocratic king watched passengers.

Customs was a formality. The baggage conveyer belt broke down as frustrated passengers waited. Small wheels on useless baggage trolleys were bent and stuck. They careened left and right as people wrestled impossible loads through green nothing to declare zones toward strangers, friends and relatives.

I helped Natasha load her bags on a cart and she disappeared into humanity with her son. Her husband’s father, mother and grandmother in jellabas approached her. They hugged her speaking words Natasha did not understand. The old woman scooped up the boy. I knew they’d take him forever, this progeny of theirs and connection to their son.

Natasha, an aberration in their world would be relegated to a new life. She moved into their culture with a Ukrainian passport, sensing unknown languages where she would be welcomed yet relegated to serving her new family.

They would project their unconscious loss on her.

She’d carry their water and gather their wood. She’d shoulder their fading light, hopes, and dreams. Their grandson would realize everything. They disappeared into a city of five million.

Being a grand man in their hearts, their son in Holland could do no wrong. Many women came and went in his life. It was his dark-eyed nomadic destiny. When his wife was trapped in the airport he was with a prostitute. He wasn’t lying when he said his family would take care of her.

Natasha heard this story at 54D but didn’t believe it.

ART - Adventure, Risk & Transformation - A Memoir

Widow Remembers

In the United States of Amnesia it was all too clear to Marian sitting on the wooden chair in the kitchen staring out a double reinforced storm window into spring’s garden.

She hadn’t slept well. Again. Last night was difficult with perpetual arthritic sore joints and eternal emptiness next to her in the brass bed. She’d stayed under the comforter reading longer than usual this morning. It was a clean sparse room with a thick Persian carpet.

Closets were crammed with clothing she’d give away.

While she had hardcover nonfiction stacked everywhere in the living room, her bedroom reading were intellectual monthly magazines and estate agent ads.

She sat on the chair where Richard sat for thirty-odd years in his frayed blue terrycloth bathrobe perusing the newspaper. He rose early to feed sparrows, bring her the morning paper and coffee, tease and laugh with her, talk and return to the chair.

She was shifting into another reality.

Sparrows arrived at the rusty bread pan feeder hanging from the split brown patio roof. The structure sagged toward earth. Jackdaws, jays and robins patrolled dew diamonds as light shaved crabapple, cherry, maples and elms. She needed to call the mower man. She needed to check the pressure on the old black pump down near the fence. It was going to be a hot day and it was wise to water early or late.

The hands on a grandfather clock above the yellow cabinet lined with medication bottles were dead just after one. A stopped clock is right twice a day. The key collected dust.

She didn’t know where she wanted to live the rest of her life. She was surrounded by memories and basement stuff.

Tons of tools, collectables and junk: lathes, hammers, chisels, planers, boxes of screws and widgets, papers, books, clothing, boxes of seventy-eight RPM records going back fifty years, canned goods stacked on dusty shelves, sturdy battered suitcases, moth balled suits, boxes of vintage wine, shoes, an old broken pinball machine, photo albums, European and Russian travel guides, a forgotten pool table, lumber, a black Singer sewing machine in working order, a crimson pin cushion, needles and spooled multicolored threads.

And that was just part of the mess down there. She never descended anymore. No need or desire. She’d seen it all, throwing up her hands accepting his passion for collecting stuff and messing around, resigning herself to inevitable destiny and retreated to the sanctuary of erudite literature and domestic tasks above ground zero in light and air. She prospered in the realm of intellectual property in life of the mind.

Thirty years is a long time to be with someone. Nancy, the hospice worker was a big help, her stepsons assisted make arrangements. A retired young brother lived north off I-25. He gave her connection and comfort.

Being Steamboat Springs natives they survived the depression in the 30’s by ranching, coal mining and power plant maintenance in Nucla.

Education formed their character. All of them escaped mountains for city schools. Universities gave them the opportunity to use their intelligence. They became engineers, teachers and geologists.

She was a secretary at ARFC in Denver when she met Richard a year after his wife died. She was a single mother and her son Timothy lived in Steamboat taking care of his grandfather until he passed on.

Timothy was in Mensa, had a degree in geology, built a Harley from scratch and resembled Custer. He was a friendly no-nonsense individual in the spirit of the West.

He worked long tough hours on the Western Slope as a supervisor for a mining operation dealing with poor maintenance records, inept management and the frustrations of trying to keep all the heavy equipment up to standards.

“It’s 8,000 miles to the center of the Earth and we’ve only drilled down 7.5 miles,” he said one afternoon to Geronimo sitting on a plateau as sunset light played across red, brown, golden sediment strata.

She knew everyone would help when she got around to making the decision. This chapter in her journey was letting go by accepting the fact she couldn’t stay here forever. The place was forty years old.

She’d sell it and get an apartment on a bus line near shops, a library and friends. She was only seventy and mobile. She didn’t need assisted living.

She missed knowing he was tinkering with something down there. She missed his dry sense of humor. It was going to be a long hot day.

ART Adventure, Risk, Transformation - A Memoir

Girl

The girl and her blind father. Music on the street. We met in 2017 and 2020.

Now he plays laments on a broken street hoping foreign eaters will put money in her orange plastic pail.

She positioned him touching the rear of a parked motorcycle for security and trust where he'd be safe.

We made eye contact, she smiled, radiant, older now, taller in a simple blouse, shorts, flip flops, smiling, Thank you.

She moved from table to table. He played a haunting refrain on his simple long neck three-string instrument.

She returned and took the strap from his waist as he played. She led him past hair salons, a closed bookstore, a high end seafood and pepper restaurant, a bar filled with drunk European males.

Music faded in the night.

Canvassing the old market.

Celebrate

I just want to celebrate
Another day of living

Vocabulary of touch

Pleasure principle sensuous femme fatale guide

Mutual satisfaction
Release tender tension

You stash your bags in a simple bamboo room
cut through a distorted distracted disrupted deserted
zone of empty rattan chairs to the beach
It stretches from Sin City to expensive southern resorts
M/F teams rake mourning sand

Grains complement musical melodic waves
breaking the shore day after day
Enjoy a slow walking meditation on a long empty beach

Breathe in - out
Water music laps ankles
Yellow dawn streaks sky
You salute the sun

Celebrate another day of living

Three green islands float long ago and far away on an event horizon
Bright red, blue and yellow tourist boats plant anchors
Engines hum fuel songs

Day unfolds. A lotus grows from mud.

Angkor Wat

Noodle Shop

Small car pulls up. Driver gets out, opens back door.

Sun heat.

His father hands him two crutches, stablizes left foot on ground, rises, awkward, balances with crutches under arms.

He wears cotton hospital pajamas. Short black hair. Crosses street. Right pant leg flaps in breeze.

He has no right foot.

Son leaves. Father buries his face in bowl of noodles. Eats fast. Hospital food lousy.

Finished with noodles he tears pieces of brown bread, drops into soup. Eats fast.

Son returns, they talk with noodle staff about his story. Helps father walk to car. Drives away.