His pale skin outlined bones. His blue eyes were radiant and clear.
I opened the veil. Snow sky, flying clouds and soaring birds.
“What day is it?” he said.
“Saturday.”
Icicles melted along a roof edge. Drops reflected rainbows. Across the valley a laughing father and son shoveled spring snow off stonewalls.
“May I have more ice please?”
I spooned comfort. Sky eyes rested on my face. I handed him a long piece of Gringsing, a sacred healing cloth from Bali with a story about its creation.
“It’s lovely,” he said, running thin purple vein fingers over fabric.
“I love you,” I said.
I breathed in his suffering and exhaled my love.
Feeling no pain he rested. We talked about roses, seeds, seasons, English gardens and nature. We sat quiet holding hands.
A spoon of ice comforted his dry lips. His manners never ceased, always a “thank you” for simple sweet essential ice.
Our visit was rich in quiet contemplation. His mind was alert. His thoughts flowed quick and easy. He’d pause and stare away when I opened veils. Dawn light. Afternoon light. Twilight. Sky clarity.
“It’s beautiful,” he said, a smile creasing his sallow face.
He was now. Marian and my brother Tom shared their comfort and love.
“Two things start to go when you’re over fifty,” he said. “One is your mind and I can’t remember what the other thing is.”
His warrior spirit moved on with a clear vision. His spirit accepted all. I was content to be present. Grateful to be with him seeing his joyful face, feeling his soft hands, rubbing his facial stubble and massaging worn skin.
I witnessed his joy, reflective spirit and letting go with dignity, authenticity and silence. Sharing green grapes, water and ice he said, “You know, it’s not about death, no,” shrugging thin shoulders.
His swollen left hand passed over his skeleton frame like a shaman. “It’s strange, how fast the energy is leaving me.”
“Yes, death doesn’t bother me. It’s just the energy started leaving quicker than I imagined. Still, I never imagined I would live this long. I thought maybe 72 or 73 years, so I never imagined I would live this long.”
His voice and vision was strong.
“Sweet dreams, dear father,” kissing lips and forehead. I hugged his left arm and shoulder feeling bones. “Thank you for a fine lovely day.”
Bless his heart full of goodness, compassion and light. I read a letter to him about how I appreciated his love, kindness and virtues.
“You always were a dreamer,” he said.
Yes, always to be a dreamer, how in his heart, his truth comforted me.
For three days we cried, laughed, sharing stories knowing in our hearts it was a letting go. Our love was perfect.
I held his hand, rubbing his thin back and legs, tickling his toes, “Oh, no you don’t,” he laughed squirming. I rubbed his cheeks, kissing his forehead.
Our time together was pure. We understood the process of letting go without desire or attachment. Clarity and wisdom blessed us.
I returned to Tacoma. On May 8th I was coaching tennis students. At 9:08 a.m. I stopped. I knew he was gone. I returned to Colorado.
A shift. Family and friends gathered for his passing ceremony. Candles and words illuminated his life light.
“He had a warrior spirit with a diamond mind. His path of light and love was a path of perfection. He demonstrated ethical and moral guidance. He allowed us the freedom to surrender old fears and habits, enabling us to cut through the net of ignorance. He was grounded in luminosity. His warrior spirit was resilient and spiritual. He has crossed the river of time. We discovered the strength to let you go. We remain blessed by your spirit.”
ART Adventure, Risk, Transformation - A Memoir
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